Lately there has been what I like to call a "problem" at my (or with my) church.
Which makes me realize that not only am I a selfish person, but I get really angry when I think about "unfair" things too much.
So right now I'm here writing to let out my steam before I make a bad decision (since I still live on impulses considering my brain won't fully mature until I'm 25, but hopefully I'll have died by then...).
I'm so selfish! I always think about myself first and then family and friends later.
I feel like making a few confessions since lately I've been wanting to be brutally honest (and yes it's easier since I'm not doing this face to face).
1. Ramona - I'm sorry! I'm an introvert. Which means that in given the option of hanging out with a good friend and being home alone, I will choose staying home. And even though I said I felt bad and I was sorry - I really wasn't because I was glad to get what I wanted.
2. I don't really care for a lot of people. Especially at Church (lately). Now I only want to really talk to my closest friends (and friendly people - this means you Sheri). Everyone else I just ignore or try to make polite conversation with - I don't feel these FAKE friendships are worth it.
At work I could care less about "guests" (customers) and I'm happier when I get to say "NO" to them. People think they have a right to EVERYTHING.
3. I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS SUNDAY AND IT WASN'T MY DECISION OR CHOICE. I IGNORED IT UNTIL THE LAST SECOND AND NOW I'M STUCK WITH IT.
4. Charlene and Ria. I don't consider you two my best friends. Charlene I think we're good friends, but not that close. Ria we're friends going on aquaintances - yet I still want to be friends if possible.
5. I'm pretty sure I love my family more than God and WAY more important than friends. If my parents or sister dies it would be the end of the world for me.
6. I need to set my priorities straight (including the one above).
7. I have SO much sin in my life and I wish I would be able to get past it and focus on God more.
8. I don't read my Bible. Ever.
9. I think I can honestly say I pretty much HATE Chris Price.
10. I'm NEVER going to do drugs, drink alcohol or coffee.
11. My sister WILL be my best man at my wedding (because family is most important and I really think people to get that straight).
That's ALL for now,
Josh
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9 comments:
hey josh. About that day, its okay. I understand wanting to be at home alone (i feel like that lots too) I just wished you explained it in a nicer way. Or just told me that you needed some time alone cause I totally understand that. I am sorry you are feeling like that too. Just spend more time with god i guess. This morning I woke up feeling really empty and upset so I read the bible and took a walk outside to look at the trees and stuff, and I felt soo much better. I do love you josh and you will always be my friend. That day bugged me but I understand why. lets hang out soon :)
Hey Josh,
I don't have the words right now and I have to run out the door. I have been looking forward to your next post...we need to chat. Thanks for considering me a friend. (if I am the SHERI in the post. Hey I'd love to just have a chat one on one sometime...nothing fake or anything cheezzy. me
Keep on looking to God.
Remember how he is always forgiving and he LOVES you so much!!
:)
Thank you everyone for your comments and you ALL MEAN SO MUCH, as real people of God, to me. I actually feel a LOT better already. UPDATE: I spent a lot of time with God these past few days. Negative bombardings aren't the easiest things for me to deal with and I just felt there was so much to get off my heart so I wrote it out. And I'm not going to delete it ever because I'm going to need to go back and read this in the future.
Hi Josh,
Life is tough. There are loads of things we need to handle every day. I struggle daily and really the only reality that makes it bearable is the GRACE and LOVE of our Lord Jesus. Know that you are in my prayers and I mean that. Let me know if I can reach out in any significant way to help you work through some of the tough stuff.
Me
I still want to be your friend! A real one! I still don't really get what happened last week, but I know 2 things for sure: God is good and He loves you A LOT.
Hey Josh.
I just sent you an e-mail, don't let is become junk!
See you in July,
Robyn
Thanks so much for your comment Josh. To quote Greg Brady from the Brady Bunch: "I think your pretty groovy in a far out kinda way" - lol.
Hey Josh,
I hope you are feeling better. I have always considered you a friend, and I hope we can REAL friends together. Remember God loves you. I hope what ever happened on Sunday has worked itself out, and if you ever wanted to talk or vent, I am here.
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