Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mad = Immaturity?

I'm mad.

- Ann-Marie the singer, actor, dancer!
More like the brick with no talent aka: the troll.

- Lately I've been more and more upset, which leads me to find a quick solution which I can only describe as immaturity.
I never really had a rebellious cycle in life where I would fight with my parents or anything. Yet lately I've been finding it easy and simple to tell my parents off when they ask me a question. In my head I know I sound like a brat and that they're only helping me, but for some reason it bothers me SO much that I can't always control the way I say things.

- I have a friend who is distancing them self from me because I say things without thinking them fully through and hurt them - and even when I do think them through (over and over again almost everyday) it still seems to attack them in some way. Which to me is crap. Now I feel like every time we talk I'm treading on glass hoping that in some way, shape or form I don't do ANYTHING that will lead to disaster. Do I still want to be friends? Yes. That bad? I don't know. But at least I AM trying.

- Why should I pretend to be nice to someone who I don't like or want to be friends with. You are annoying, stupid and every time we talk I like you less. I don't want to see a movie with you. I don't want to plan parties with you. I really don't want to talk to you. And I really don't care how your doing.

- If you have a comment, whether it be negative or positive, just say it the way you mean it. Don't beat around the bush trying to make me decipher what your actually trying to say!!!!!!!
Did I over sing the song? JUST TELL ME!
Am I a crap of a friend? JUST TELL ME!
Do you not like the way I talk? JUST TELL ME!
Am I a horrible son? JUST TELL ME!
Do you not want to hang out? JUST TELL ME!
Do you not actually want to be friends? PLEASE JUST TELL ME!

I'm selfish, obsessive, immature, and hurtful and yet I'm trying my best.
Get over it please, because I'm past all of this.

Yes I'm like an angry child.


p.s. I might delete this eventually. I only wrote this to let out my anger - soon I'll realize how embarrassing it is.


Purplestamper said...

Hey Josh,

Just want to let you know I totally relate. I try daily to be more mature, more sensetive and resectful. I fall short daily. I mean, we are only human with real emotions, and real heartbreak and God wants us to come to him to resolve this stuff, here is the thing though...HE still loves us, even in our brokeness...so there...my sermon...I LOVE YOU...I love your smile, your awesome voice (I've never heard you OVER sing a thing) and I am totally blessed to get to see your JOY in the LORD when you do worship. So from an old lady...know that we all struggle with stuff and there is more good than bad in us. Thanks for sharing your heart...YOU ROCK.

Sarah-Jill said...

Josh, I can relate! Don't worry!

Hmm, ok, I'll tell you some things honestly:

-You're pretty awesome
-You can ALWAYS make me laugh
-You read my boring blog and therefore ROCK! =D
-You are a PHENOMENAL singer!!!!
-Everyone goes through what you're feeling!! I know I have!
-There is more, but I'm dead tired and am going to bed
-The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.

Oh wait, the last one wasn't useful to your situation. Never mind!


Sarah :)

Eaglet said...

I struggle with immaturity too. Especially when it comes to my parents. I don't even see when they are trying to help me anymore.

On an aside, and a bit more trivial: You're starting to sound like Robyn. Only a bit, but still... Maybe Silvercity is the culprit?

Deanna-Michelle said...

Hey Josh,

I wanted to let you know, you are not alone. We all struggle with immaturity. The fights my parents and I have had over the years would shock anyone.
What I would like to point out is at least you realize a potiental "life growth" for you, and therefore you can choose to either deal with the challenge or decide that that is how you want to be. Since i read that you are trying, i see you are doing the MATURE thing...and i think that is awesome.