Monday, October 19, 2009

First Drunk Experience

7:46PM
“Hey, were playing board games at E's tonight,” R said, “Wanna come?”
“Okay,” I replied.
“We're gonna get drunk though,” she said.
“Okay, but you guys aren't mean or anything when your drunk, right?” I questioned.
“No we're really happy, I'm a happy drunk!” R said.
“Who's coming?” I said.
“Just you, me, N, B and E” she listed, “See you after work!”

12:32AM
I walk out into the lobby to meet up with R after I finish counting up the last of the coupons, already tired from waking up early, a long and crazy day, and then an 8 hour shift.
“...she fricken hit me on the back of the head and ran, screaming at us 'Wanna take it outside?'” N was telling me.
“What?” I said. It took a few minutes to understand. What happened was R and N had walked into one of the theatres and found a couple going at it and so they laughed and left. Then the female followed them out and from behind smacked them on their heads. Then she ran off telling them to bring it on.
I wasn't even shocked, you should see some of the “guests” we get at SC.
“Okay whatever, I don't want to think about it,” R shrugged, “Let's go!”

So we all (R, N, B and I) get inside R's car and we drive off.
“We're going to need to pick up some chase for tonight,” B said.
“Yeah we're going to the 7-11,” replied N as we pulled into the parking space.
R and N went inside while B and I waited in the car.
“Are you sleeping over?” B asked.
“No, I live next door to E so I can just walk home after.”
“Cool, yeah I think I'm going to stay for a while, but I don't want to sleep over, cause you know...”
“Yeah I like sleeping by myself to,” I responded.

1:03AM
We arrive at E's house and the first game chosen is “Shoots and Ladders”. Every time you land on a bullseye you take a shot of vodka – simple as that. (This should go without saying, but no I didn't drink anything at all).
Everything is going fine. The others begin to loosen up so we move on to the next game “Don't Wake Up Daddy!”
We're all excited to play! R and N have convinced B to sleep over and all B has to do is ask her mom.
“Mom! There's no boys! We just want to have a girls night! Why are you being so retarded? Stop acting like a dumb ------!! No I'm staying, your so gay!!!!”

2:43AM
“I give the best hugs, they're the best right?” B says.
“Yeah” I say.
“No your just saying that, my hugs are the best”
“Yes they are”
“I'm the best hugger!”
“I agree with you!”
“Don't just say that!”
“I'm not just saying that!”
“Wouldn't it be cool if we could all live here together?” R cuts in.
“YEAH! We can all share rent!” N says.
“Yeah, if we split it three ways we'll all just pay $200 each and share the room and bathroom,” B adds.
“Three of you in one room?” I say, clearly the only one with clear thought process.
“Yeah, we're use to being with each other like 24 hours a day!” R says.
“Awww, I love you R,” N says hugging R.
“Nooooo, I love you N,” R replies.
“Don't forget me, I love you girls too,” B tries to squeeze into the embrace as they fall over.
I roll my eyes. This is getting ridiculous.
“Give me a kiss R,” says N. They begin to kiss full out on the ground.
“This is kinda awkward,” says B as she gets off the floor.
At least we all have the decency to look away from them, you know give them some privacy in the middle of the living room.

3:12AM
The girls stumble up and down the stairs using the bathroom, placing imaginary furniture into their future bedroom, and coming down for more shots. Meanwhile E and I are sitting downstairs waiting for them to come back so we can finish the game.
B comes down and starts telling us how she makes the most money out of the three of them.
“I can hear them upstairs whispering how it's just going to be the two of them,” B lashes.

“If me and my boyfriend are having sex you can just sleep in E's room, since he's kinda like your boyfriend,” N explains to R in a low voice from the stairs.
“He's not really my boyfriend,” R interjects.

“See! They're not even including me and I'm making like $1200 a month which is basically double what their making together, I'm so pissed right now!” B says.
“They'll forget everything by tomorrow morning,” E assures, “I'm so tired.”
“Go to bed then,” I say.
“Who's gonna lock up?”
“I will”
“You can't!”
“I wanna leave now! I can't phone my mom to pick me up though because she's furious with me!”

3:48AM
R and N come down the stairs one after the other and pass out on the living room carpet. E drags himself off to bed, not caring about unlocked doors. I look around and take it all in. B is phoning her mom to see if she'll pick her up because she doesn't want to stay around.
“Hi mommy, can you pick me up please?”
“The address is 3533 Hawthorne Ave. Can you pick me up?”
“3533”
“What? Are you retarded? 3533!”
“Stop being a ------! HAWTHORNE!”
“Why are you being so gay! 3533 Hawthorne!”
“WHATEVER I'll just take a cab and pay with my own money, ---- you!!!!”

She hangs up and begins to call other friends, finally getting a response,
“Hi J?”
“Where are you?”
“Wanna come over?”
“Why are you being so gay?”
“Your so gay”
“No your so gay”
“Your so gay”

I can't take it. I've seen and heard everything I needed to and now it's time for me to take my leave.

“B, can you lock up?'
“What?”
“Lock up.”
“Lock up?”
“Yes.”
“Me?”
“Yes”
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“Me?”
“Yes!”
“K, ohh your leaving?”
“Yeah”
“K, give me a hug, I'm the best hugger,” she said as she began to hug me.
“Yes you are”
“Awww, no really I am”
“Yes you are.”
“No don't say that, I really am”
“I know that”
That's when I smell it. At first I can't believe it, but I have to believe the last four hours.

B farted while hugging me.

“Okay bye!” I say and walk out the door while B closes it behind me.

It's 4:04AM. I left with a parting text to R,

Sorry, but u guys r retarted.
New blog post in the morning.

18 comments:

Melissa said...

K this took so long for this link to work... maybe you fixed it...
ANYWAYS.
First off, I cant even believe you agreed to go, knowing they were drinking.
I have no words (that im willing to post in a public forum) to say about that. I dont really see how its funny, like you said it would be... i wasnt laughing...

also, in the begining you used one voice and then you switched later on... it started off as "replied" and then switches to "say"... just saying

ON the upside, im glad you posted, you should post more... give me more reason to procrastinate.

Jill said...

sounds like a gong show.

Deanna-Michelle said...

WOW Josh, sounds like an intense first time experience. Looking forward to your next blog.

maya said...

but you weren't drunk? or am i dyslectic? any who...glad nothing too crazy happened. post more often!

Ivyoaks said...

Oh..it could have been a group thing. I've got friends like that.

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We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for Blog
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like to give you the opportunity to
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Best regards,
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